The Bump-it

Apparently, I have a style that is not quite enjoyed by everyone because I get comments like, “this totally looks like you” from friends that would never purchase the item mentioned for themselves. I have just come to accept this flaw in my friends and realized that not everyone has a style as “unique” as my own. I was feeling completely at peace with this fact until a 5 year old boy from our neighborhood completely shattered my view of reality. I’ll have to start at the beginning. A couple of weeks ago I spent a wonderful weekend with girlfriends from growing up, “the G’s”. We were shopping, as we usually do, when I came across the most brilliant piece of fashion ingenuity that I have ever seen, “The Bump-it”! Talk about totally changing my world! I have always known that I should have been born in the 60’s, but now I can actually look like it too! With this phenomenal invention I can not only give my hair a totally unnatural, alien-like lift, I can make it look effortless. Evidently, there is a completely obnoxious yet catchy commercial that can be seen from 3 to 4:30 AM daily on various cable channels. Unfortunately, we’re too cheap to pay for cable, otherwise I would have been “bumping it” long ago. I have been so proud of my new found hair possibilities that I really have a hard time deciding if I am going to “baby bump-it”, “medium bump-it”, “big bump-it”, or the super brave “double bump”. A whole new world has been opened up to me now! One day last week I was feeling a bit more natural and earthy so I decided to “baby bump-it”. As promised by the instruction guide, I had totally forgotten that it was in when I went outside with my kids to play. As my girls were playing with the before mentioned 5 year old, he suddenly stopped in the middle of play, pointed to my head with the most surprised look and said, “are you wearing a bump-it”? Excuse me, what did he just say? After quickly checking to see if I had correctly applied and “sprayed immediately with hair spray” so as to not fall out, I asked him again what he said. “Are you wearing a bump-it?” “Why, yes, I am” you brilliantly fashion forward child. “Can I touch it,” he then asked. Starting to question why a 5 year and I share the same love for lift, I reluctantly let him. After making sure I had not tricked him with a fake, he proceeded to cock his hip at an angle that should be completely unnatural to anyone with testosterone, placing one hand on that hip and pointing the finger of his other hand strait out he began to sing what I can only imagine is “The Bump-it song”. And with attitude, I might add. My emotions went from pride to horror in 2.2 seconds. It was at that moment that I realized this fine piece of machinery I had purchased was not the fashion icon I had thought it was, but in reality is “hot” among 5 year old boys. Not exactly the crowd I was hoping for. I feel so conflicted. I love my bump-it, but so does my neighbor boy. This is the same neighbor boy who loves to play princess dress up with my 4 year old daughter and his 3 year old sister. He prances around my house in pink princess dresses saying, “don’t I look beautiful”, and “we’re on our way to the ball”. This is a phase that most all boys with sisters around the same age go through and his mother is a hair dresser, so maybe it’s not as bad as it seems to have the same taste in hair. Who am I kidding, this is totally unnatural and I should promptly pitch my new found treasure in the trash……. I’m not going to of course, but I should. At least I’ll be hot among the 4 foot and under category!